My every 'feminist' argument ever

There is a pattern to how this argument goes – invariably always. So I thought of leaving this pattern here- just in case anyone wants to argue. Filter through this first.

They’ll ask, “are you a feminist?” or say something like “that’s so ‘feministic’.” Here, the word feminist is pronounced with a certain tone of disgust.

If you mean to ask if I advocate the rights of women, if I believe in equality of sexes, yes, I am a feminist. And I think you should be too. If you mean to ask me if I hate men and think women are superior to men, you must use a different word. Perhaps ‘chauvinist’ is a good option. Wrong use of the word feminism shows lack of homework. Also, remember that it is very irresponsible to spread wrong notions. So use your words carefully. Of course, no, I am not a chauvinist.

Every time any injustice/atrocity/insults against women are called out on a mass scale, a counter argument of equal injustice/atrocity/insults on men are called out and the women taking a stand for women are questioned as to why they are quiet on those issues. The debate keeps changing tracks between women’s rights, men’s rights and equal rights. Confusion always leads to victory (in the argument of course) of the one with a louder voice.

I wonder, why should they talk about it? Is it to say that the perspective is incomplete without considering the rights of the other sex? Would you then also be willing to argue about the rights of transgender in the same debate? Because you think this is about rights of different sexes? If your answer is no, if you think it’s a different subject of debate, thank you.  Because, likewise, by same logic, injustice/atrocity/insults on men and rights of men is also a separate topic of discussion. They may be complementary, yes, may even have a common umbrella of human rights, but that doesn’t mean that a person speaking in favor of women’s rights must speak about men’s right IN THE SAME ARGUMENT.

Is there injustice against men? Yes, there is. Do they face discrimination and harassment based on sex? Yes, they do. Don’t I respect the rights of men? Yes, I do. Why don’t I talk about it? Because I am not convinced yet that I must put my energy (however limited it may be- I care where I put it) into it. I’ll tell you why. See, if you guys go ahead, you have my fullest support. I promise I will work for this cause too. With all my heart, as always. Call out that injustice. Break the stigma. Speak up. Organize yourselves. Study the legal aspects. Find people who believe in your efforts. Come together. Fight your battle. Gather resources. Find funding. Any given movement rises with all these efforts. And I have seen such efforts put into feeding stray dogs. But I don’t see this kind of effort put in for cause of men. I havn’t seen any initiative, nor the passion, or interest or the focus in any one of the male friends who call out ‘pseudo feminists’ or bring up the issue of injustice against men in a debate with me. Never have I ever seen as much as a status message from these people about such discrimination/injustice, which is spontaneous. Like proactive – which is NOT A REACTION to a post/act/news of women discrimination/empowerment.  

Then there are #NotAllMen kind of men. These are the kinds who try to remain neutral and look at things from a perspective, but cannot manage to emerge above a certain height. Like in case of #MeToo, I was sweetly surprised thinking #notallmen was a way to show support and to establish the trust. Disillusion- most of the men in my tiring debates used it:

• –   as comeback when at loss of arguments
• –   to reduce the gravity of the problem
• –  to nullify the problem (in worst cases).

“But it’s not right to judge all men for actions of a few” … next statement. Agreed.

“Then you must change the tone of your speech. You seem like blaming the entire population of men.” – No, I don’t sound like that. I don’t know why you seem to feel offended.

“You said all men are same. And you said ‘don’t teach your daughters to stay indoors, teach your sons to behave’ and stuff like that. – Yes, the patriarchy is deep rooted. Its good to be aware of it so that we can act positively. If you respect women, you need not take offence. Because I respect you too.

“But its you who is talking like this. Check the internet. Its full of feminists who cry injustice, carry a victim card up their sleeve all the time, claim that men are inferior, cheap, and they seek cheap publicity all the time” – first of all, do you mean chauvinists? Irresponsible use and understanding of the word feminism.

“It’s not me, they call themselves feminists.” – So now since you know the difference, it is your responsibility to not call them that. That way you can open your heart to feminism a little more.

“But that’s the popular image of feminism. Your idea is too idealistic. Plus less understood and spoken about. If what you are saying is right, why don’t I hear more of it? Why don’t you counter them?” – I countered you. And I hope I convinced you too. If you mean why I don’t argue on social media, that’s because I think its foolish to do that.

“But false claims of rape/molestation are rising because of such support to women. They will only rise with such kind of support” – this is like saying ‘we do not need police because criminals will continue to act anyway’. And aren’t you the same guy who said ‘it’s not right to judge all men for actions of a few’? plus, this is so so wrong to not support the rights of deprived fellow human beings on the grounds of fear that those rights will be misused? Well, see the rights of the real mis-users in this case have been established and misused to the point that society accepts it as normal. It is normal for angry men in India to use cusswords. These expressions literally mean all sorts of rape. It is also a new normal that angry Indian men use rape threats to express the intensity of their anger. Just to get the point across, you know…

Swiftly, the topic at hand shifts to some men, not all men, some women, not all women, some ideologies, not all isms, some politically charged social media handles, not all actors, some nature, not all biology, some psychology, not all culture, some language, not all spirituality, some taboo, not all religions, some technology, not all fears, some principles, not all regions, some achievements, not all hardships…. Who has a louder voice?